I had a crippling realization while making dog treats today.
1. I don't have a dog.
2. Earlier in the week I made "chocolate chip cookies" using basically the same ingredients as these dog treats. The only difference was that there was chocolate instead of parsley in mine.
Guys, I just wanted to see what the making desserts with beans craze was all about. I'm so embarrassed. And I like how weird they are. Like, I really do.
Don't talk to me anymore. I might be a dog. Hold up, though. If I am a dog does that mean I don't have to do my own laundry anymore?
Grain-Free Peanut Butter Dog Treats
Adapted from Food52
These pup cookies are made with garbanzo bean flour in case your little nugget is grain-sensitive! There's so crazy simple and there's a bonus parsley add-in for breath-freshening. Buy me a dog right now.
Makes about three dozen, depending on the size of your cutter.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line two cookie sheets with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, whisk together peanut butter, water, and oil. In another bowl combine flour and parsley. Add peanut butter mixture to dry ingredients and mix to combine.
Roll out dough on a lightly floured surface to about 1/4" thick. Cut shapes out of dough (I used a two inch biscuit cutter). Transfer to prepared cookie sheets, leaving about a 1/4" between treats (they don't spread a lot). If desired, score treats with a fork to prevent puffing.
Bake for 18 minutes, or until golden brown. Probably don't feed your dog treats straight from the oven.
This one goes out to all my late 80s, early 90s babes. From a not so long ago time when zany must have been the only buzzword to target children through advertisements.
Cereal will be featured on a separate post. Don't make me share its glory.
1. Nickelodeon Magazine. PLEASE.
2. Mr. Bucket should probably see a doctor.
3. Wishing you all a Polly day and that the ink in your ink pads weren't all dried up like mine. It's hard being the youngest.
4. I'm offended by how insincere this seems now.
5. Another group of people that may want to make an appointment with a specialist. I'm spooked.
6. The only thing that matters in this Bagel Bites commercial the the kid at 00:05. It's the only thing that matters because mom didn't buy me them. What? Eating pizza "anytime" is not "healthy"?
7. This comes with a supplemental Buzzfeed article about Guess Who celebrity dopplegangers.
8. "Looks like another scorcher" is something I said a lot as a child.
9. A cloud of m&m minis reeking havoc inside a museum was something we all dreamt about. No? Just me?
10. The Talk Back Dear Diary that is nothing like a diary but more of a bullying tool. "No boys, no way!"
You think I'm done? Just for today.
No, mom, this isn't what I do with all of my free time!
I'm convinced nothing else matters. I want this plastered everywhere on everything on everyone.
"look at that tree. now, look at that tree. do you like that tree? do you hate that tree cause it doesn't look like that tree? do you say that tree isn't pretty because it doesn't look like that tree? we're all trees. i'm a tree, you're a tree. you've got to love your body. you've got to love your tree."
11:40pm real talk by yours truly.
It might be raining for the first time ever. Well, that's just what it feels like when you live in a place of eternal winter. At first the sound of raindrops was confusing to me, unfamiliar. But then it was so so welcome. Spring is finally here!
I bet you didn't know it's mandatory to bake on rainy days. I bet you really didn't know it's mandatory to bake a quick bread on rainy days.
Banana, carrot, zucchini bread is literally everything you've ever wanted. It's like all the good flavors of breads came over for a play date and had so much fun. It's like you couldn't decide which one you wanted to make so you just decided to make all of them. It's like everyone's married and they're on their honeymoon and the weather is perfect and no one gets sunburned and there's a lot of singing.
Maybe you should just make it.
Banana, Carrot, Zucchini Bread
slightly adapted from Rose's Heavenly Cakes (as in there's supposed to be walnuts but I didn't have any)
2 cups plus 2 Tbsp all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1/3 cup quick cooking oats
1 very ripe banana, mashed
1/2 cup oil
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/3 cup water
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup shredded carrot
2/3 cup shredded zucchini
Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare a 8x5in loaf pan.
In a medium sized bowl whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and oats. In a large bowl beat together mashed banana, oil, sugars, and eggs. Add water and beat til foamy. Beat in vanilla. Mix in carrot and zucchini. Slowly add flour mixture to wet ingredients and combine, being careful not to over mix. Bake for one hour or until a toothpick, inserted, comes out clean.
I'm not that mad at me for not doing any sort of blogging for the past...let's say for the past two months.
Am I in the midst of a second wind? We'll see.
Winter is long in these parts, but that's nothing a heavy dosage of vitamin D, one sixty degree day, dogs, friends, and oatmeal can't fix.
Sometimes I get real gift-y so I made some cookies to send to the family back in Illinois. My dad doesn't like chocolate which is an anomaly to nearly anyone. First I was all, "winter citrus shortbread duh." But then my ego was all, "everyone makes citrus things in the winter." And so I chose pistachios.
I've got this real fuzzy memory of my second grade teacher forcing us to eat pistachio pudding on St. Patrick's Day which made me hate pistachios forever. Imitation pistachio flavor is extremely disappointing. Pistachio.
These, however, are not disappointing. Being careful not to over pulse butter with the rest of the ingredients will result in a perfectly sanding dough that comes together with some help from your fingers. Think moon sand. Moon sand cookies that will melt in your mouth.
I would imagine you could make these will all kind of nuts. Candied pecans. That would be great.
Head over to Leite's Culinaria for the recipe from the More From Macrina. Macrina? Obvi these cookies are going to be delicious.
Once at some point in elementary school I came home and my crush (crush is an understatement, I was fully committed from kindergarten through sixth grade) had dropped off a white teddy bear holding a heart and a mylar balloon. It was then brought to my attention that some other ten year old had received the same.
In third grade I made the most impressive valentine mailbox. A shoebox turned telephone. Wrapped in shiny gold paper, complete with conversation hearts as the number buttons. You had to pick up the phone in order to drop off the valentine. Maybe I stole this idea directly from my teacher? Mine was prettier, mostly because it hadn't been made thirty years prior. But her telephone valentine box was more useful to the boy who used it to call his mom, pleading to "PLEASE PICK HIM UP" when the festivities were just too overwhelming. I can't find a picture because it was too unique and no one else is as creative as me.
That very crucial moment when you decided who got to receive the ever-powerful and bigger than the rest best friends valentine. Messages like "You are nice. From, Danie".
The year I was the queen because I put red food coloring in my milk. I didn't even like milk.
Middle school and junior high were marked with the presence of these:
These are suckers shaped like hearts. That's the minimalist description. They were so much more. For a measly one dollar, you could buy one, and send it to someone ANONYMOUSLY. They had "crazy flavors" like cotton candy and strawberry kiwi and OH MY GOODNESS strawberry lemonade. Come Valentine's Day, they were distributed. If you're thinking Mean Girls "you go Glen Coco" you're absolutely right.
I was only ever sent one. From my homeroom teacher.
I would just like to interject this with the fact that currently, I'm writing a blog post and Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives is playing in another tab. Like I'm listening to it...as if Guy Fieri is music.
This just happened.
There were those Februarys where I traveled to Target to find the super silliest valentines that would be so. funny. to hand out to my friends. Anything with rockets or puppies or animal puns or princesses. Because that would be so. funny.
Why would you think I would appreciate a valentine with Batman or sports on it? That's rude.
I reminisce about my thirteen year old self spending hours making cupcakes out of felt for my best friends. The time I was a determined college freshman and slaved away in the shitty dorm kitchen in order to make iced heart cookies with faces specific to the recipient?
This episode of Saved by the Bell because I watched Saved by the Bell literally every morning for about seven years.
The heart sticker to valentine ratio in those kits was off. Did my sticker collection complain? Uh-nope.
Who can forget the excitement felt upon receiving a box of Russell Stover chocolates! Only the highest quality.
Let's just agree that Valentine's Day is one of my favorites. Duh, I know you can "love people every day". But why can't we just all agree on one day to love everyone...and give away cards with Jesse McCartney on them.
And a final note to Sweehearts: you can leave. Ever since you changed your recipe, the yellow hearts taste like dish soap.
